Monday, September 21, 2009

Disappearing Into the Ether

I've been divorced for 9.5 years now. The first couple years were on/off with the ex trying to make it work. The last 7.5 have been dating with three long relationships in there. But now I'm single again and dating afresh.

A few years ago the book He's Just Not Into You came out and created quite a lot of discussion. The author, Greg Behrendt, spilled the beans on a lot of actions guys do that women just don't pick up on, all boiling down to the fact that he's just not into you. It was a revelation into how men think. It caused enough of a stir to be turned into a movie with an all-star cast acting out many of the scenarios.

Early on in my post-divorce dating I coined the phrase "disappearing into the ether". This is when you've gone out with a guy once or a few times, maybe even months, and then SILENCE! No calls to you, no calls returned. Which boils down to the "he's just not that into you" as he disappears into the ether.

OK! I don't have a problem with that. Not everyone is a perfect match and sometimes it takes a few dates to figure that out. But why can't guys (and gals) have the cojones to just say something instead of disappearing into the ether???

This is the most incredibly frustrating thing! It's just a matter of respect and courtesy. It doesn't have to be a long, drawn explanation with reasons about this or that. It can simply be "I don't think we are a match but thank you for your company." Is that really so hard?

Now I will admit to disappearing myself ONLY ONCE. And that was after I had already given the "I don't think it will work out" talk. It started getting drawn out and so I finally had to just disappear into the ether. But I did have "the conversation" first, so I'm exonerated from the evil deed.

Guys (and gals), be a bigger person and be honest and polite and just say it and then be done with it. Don't take the coward's way out. It makes you look like a schmuck for having no class.
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