Sunday, April 24, 2016

How I know sugar addiction is like cocaine addiction

This may be a shock to family and childhood classmates, but I took a lot of drugs in college. I want to get that out of the way because that confessional is important to this post. So we'll start with a bit of personal history.

I was raised a good Catholic girl in a very rigid country, Saudi Arabia. So there wasn't a lot of opportunity to act out the same way as in the U.S. Not that I would have. After all, I found out as an adult that there was plenty of acting out going on in our American compound that I never knew about. Probably because I wasn't in the popular crowd. Anyway, I was a good girl at home.

In my all girls high school I did a few crazy things, but it's not until I went to college that I got the true freedom to do whatever I wanted. I, of course, did the college thing and tried drinking and smoking first. Didn't care for smoking, luckily, and soon found out that I had no tolerance for alcohol. I wanted to fit in, have fun, and loosen up, so I turned to drugs.  No need to list them, but among them was marijuana and cocaine. 

After college I still did some drugs, but as life's responsibility got more serious, I gave them up. I would get too paranoid. I did still do cocaine on occasion... because it kept me awake. I don't really do caffeine, so if I went to a concert or wanted to stay up late for a party with friends, I turned to cocaine.

Here's where the addiction showed. I was married at the time and I had never had an addiction craving for any drug.  I never HAD to keep up with any drug and could easily walk away from it...except for cocaine.

Cocaine was the only drug that made me do the following: I would lie about it. I would buy it and not share it with anyone else. In other words, I would hoard it. I would hide it. I would do it at times that I didn't need it, like at work. And cocaine broke up my marriage. I wasn't the only one doing these actions, my husband was too. We were both hoarding, hiding, and using it without telling each other.

That's why I know that sugar addiction is real. I have a sweet tooth. I rarely turn away from dessert. I will seek out sugar. 

I will hoard it. If someone brings a particularly droolworthy dessert that I love, I will watch it, take as much as I can for myself, even hoard it.  Yes, I have taken extra portions and hidden them away so I can enjoy it later. Hoarding, to me, is a huge sign of addiction.

I can even take it back to my elementary years in Saudi. My mother rationed treats, so if I got a few riyals (money) from a babysitting job or something, I would secretly go to the commissary and buy a secret stash of powdered donuts or chocolate. I'd hide them in my drawers under my clothes. 

The reason I'm writing this post now is because I did a seriously warped bit of baked goods hoarding recently. It made me realize I need to admit to my addiction and stop denying the truth. Sugar is just as addicting as cocaine. 
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